What Are Traumatic Relationships?Â
Have you ever felt controlled, silenced, blamed, betrayed, or overly dependent in relationships with family, partners, or others? Do you struggle to say no, set boundaries, or feel like you know who you are or what you need? Is it difficult to trust yourself or others?Â
These can be signs of relational trauma or wounding from relationships that harmed rather than nurtured us. Traumatic relationships can leave us feeling shattered or disconnected from ourselves, unable to speak our truth, and generally guarded or mistrusting.Â
Trauma in relationships can take many forms such as gaslighting, addiction, enmeshment, neglect, abandonment, exploitation, betrayal, physical or sexual contact by force, coercion, or intimidation. When our reality is denied, when we lose our sense of self in relationships, or don’t have the ability to protect ourselves, we become emotionally dysregulated and function in survival mode. Our nervous system becomes attuned to positive or negative intensity in relationships. We find ourselves drawn to or attracting relationships where we experience similar pains as before, because that’s what feels familiar to our mind and body. Â
Relational trauma stems from unmet childhood needs of physical, emotional, or sexual safety and security. Chronic denial of these universal human needs teaches us that we don’t deserve them or cannot have them. We develop unconscious negative core beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world around us that end up dictating our lives. Our natural intuition and wisdom that can guide us in daily life becomes covered up by these wounds.Â
How Can I Heal From My Traumatic Relationships?Â
We can find healing in sharing our story with someone we trust. To switch out of survival mode we must go inward and feel what we have been avoiding. The more we surrender and accept the toxic emotions that have been stuck and driving our behavior, the more we can release the past, freeing up space to make healthier decisions. In coming to terms with what has been, the more clarity we receive to see things as they truly are. Â
Instead of avoiding feelings, we slow down and intentionally become curious about what exactly it is we are feeling, where it comes from, and why it is there. We have come to know ourselves in relation to others, and when other’s words or behavior have communicated a poor image, it takes time to see ourselves objectively and with compassion. What heals our relationship trauma is experiencing safe relationships within ourselves and with others. Â
Therapy provides the opportunity to experience nonjudgement, to be seen and heard, and to access the version of you that feels calm, connected, and confident. You can learn how to tolerate distance or closeness in relationships without triggering self-preservation patterns. Therapy can empower you to surrender escaping from the past or attempted control over the future, and to finally feel a lasting and sustainable sense of security in the present amongst uncertainty.Â
If you have suffered from traumatic relationships, reach out to me for a consultation call or to schedule an appointment to begin your healing journey.Â
